MORE ON SWINGERS & MY EXPERIENCES WITH THEM

When you are looking to socialize & meet people, would you go up to them & talk to them like they are a piece of meat?

If you did, you would probably get slapped in the face & like I said, I had female swingers talk to me this way as well.

I'm not looking for pigs, I'm looking for descent adults & I feel pigs act more humane than a lot of the people I've come into contact with on the net & trust me.  And trust me, I've come into contact with tons of people over the years.

People who use sex as an addiction or play around with it as if it is nothing at all, do have issues that stem from their sexual energy, but I'm not about to get into that right now.

I don't look for women that act like men, but instead women that have self respect & respect for their sexuality.

Thank god there are a few men that don't act like pigs as they have respect for themselves & women.  As for the women acting this way, they are just copying the men, and I want women that are proud to be women & don't have to follow the other gender to be independent and have a mind of their own.  Unfortunately there are also a ton of women that have sexual issues as well being raised to believe sex is bad, dirty, for procreational reasons only, a tool to use men or manipulate, they have been sexually abused or that they are worth nothing if not for their sexual side and my list could go on.

Getting back to men, they act like gentleman because they were brought up to believe that women are special, deserve respect like any other human being etc. etc.

I'm not hanging out at a bar looking for just sex, I'm looking for a poly relationship and, people need to start understanding what that is instead of assuming it means you can treat people like shit.

I wrote this site about six months ago & things have gotten better since I wrote it.  Today's date is 03/03/02.

I find you don't have to be poly to be treated like meat on the net, you just have to be a woman or even just be a person looking socially and others feel that this gives them a reason to disrespect you.

No one gets past me if they haven't read my site, so it makes my job a lot easier and I don't deal with most of the sexual perverts out there now.

If I wanted to be treated like a piece of meat and not a human being, I'd go visit a bar.  But I'm not at a bar, I'm on the net.  The net does NOT equal SEX.  I don't care what anyone tells you.  Yes there is tons of sex on the net, but everyone is looking for something different and it's up to you to read their ads, profiles and sites to find out what that soemthing is before you approach them instead of harrassing them.

Even when I have ads just for males & females I get responses like that all the time.

The downfall of our society is how people don't respect themselves, their bodies & their sexuality & this is totally shocking to me.

At least before when you weren't supposed to have sex before marriage, the women respected themselves.

Maybe not for the right reasons because they were shammed if they didn't follow society's rules, but they at least didn't talk like whores & if men even talked that way to a woman, he was considered a low life & not worthy of a wife.  He would then belong with the whores.

All it does is show me the direction our species is headed.

I want to bring up the issue of crudeness here as it's becoming a big problem for me.

Ok first off I'm not even close to being naive as I have good street smarts, but I look at things like this...

If I wanted to be on the streets, I'd go there.  If I wanted to be in a locker room with the guys, I'd find a way to be in that situation & if I wanted to be a trucker, I'd become one, but I DON'T.

Is there a reason why everyone has to talk like their mouth should be washed out with soap?

I don't consider myself a lady as I'm not the stuffy prim & proper type & yes I do swear, but when I swear, I am swearing period.  I'm not describing a sexual act nor am I describing a person's body parts.

Why do people & this is both males & females, have to use words like tits, fuck, get laid, cunt, boobs, dick, cock etc.?

My god is this how society has become?

Using all these degrating words to describe body parts & sexual acts that are supposed to be loving, respectful & clean only reafirms my belief that people are still extremely insecure & disrespectful towards their own sexuality as well as sex in general.

When a man says to me he likes talking dirty, I would question why.

Is sex dirty in his eyes?

Sure I use the odd stronger word when I'm in the bedroom & in a certain mood, but not when I'm talking to a person outside the bedroom.

I don't find my sexuality nor anyone elses to be naughty, bad, whorish, slutish etc. etc. etc. & I will never ever understand why people choose to use these words instead of the positive ones.

In my opinion someone who always uses these words is telling me there is some deep underlining problem they need to address.

Bottom line is I look for people with class & self respect & people who do not talk like women are pieces of meat to be degraded.

At the swinger's club I go to that is how they talk & I find it disgusting.

My "tits" are breasts, my "cunt" is a vagina, I am not a whore, slut & I don't need a pimp or anything else that insinuates I am something to be looked down upon just because I am in touch with my sexuality & I am open minded.

I am an activist for women's sexuality.

Why you ask?

Simple really...

Because men have long since put women's sexuality down.

If we go back in history, we will see how women were not allowed to have pleasure.  Sex was for procriational reasons only.

Women were always considered slaves & were supposed to please the men.  In history any kind of person who was considered a slave whether it be a black person, a Jewish person or a female, was always be looked down upon.

No one ever considered a slave to be an equal therefor women being similar to slaves were not considered equals.

Men were never taught to please women or even to learn about sexuality because they didn't have to.  Women were there to serve them or just produce babies.

Then there was religion that stopped couples from enjoying sex.

As late as 1992 I was told by an older doctor that I was having too much sex & that sex was meant for procriational reasons only so I better slow down.

This just shows me how little we have developed as a species in relation to sexuality & especially women's sexuality.

Even men's sexuality needs a lot of work because men still think they have to BANG women & men still don't understand or feel that seduction & foreplay start way before you even get to the bedroom.

Ask yourself why there was only a few Don Juans in our history.

All of these factors bring us to the year 2001.  One can not just change people's mindsets in such a short period of time.

A lot of men still find women who enjoy & embrace their sexuality to be whores or sluts & they feel intimidated by a woman who is strong & knows what she is doing.

Women still feel like they have to hold back & because they never had a sexuality they could call their own, I feel they have a tendancy to follow how the men act or at least this is what I am experiencing now on the net.  Even the teeny bopper movies portray young girls acting in this manner now calling each other whores & sluts.

I hear women starting to talk like men plus I find also don't know much about foreplay just like men don't.  This stems from people not realizing that they need to learn about their sexuality which is a part of themselves.  They need to truly understand themselves & their partners & not be so rushed to try & act like they think they are supposed to act instead of just being cool & calm & taking it one step at a time.

Even though I feel none of this is an excuse for why men & women talk in such a crude rude manner about sexuality, it at least gives a little insight as to why we as a socieity are having these problems.

Exploring yourself spiritually which embraces sexuality is the first step to getting to know yourself so you can feel comfortable with who you are as a person.

Back to the topic at hand.  :  )

At first the swinger's scene seemed fun, light hearted, open minded etc., but after a year I started to find the whole swinger's scene very cheap, emotionless & one sided where it was all about them.  Them cuming, them teasing on the dance floor & then walking away when they were finished, them sleeping with you only never to hear back from them again etc. etc.

Now I get swingers on the net telling me they have made some good friends & I will say you have?

Ok, did you have deep feelings for that friend that you slept with?

After you stopped sleeping with the person did you still remain friends or was the only thing you had in common in the first place sex?

Another thing I saw on a regular basis was couples (both the male & the female) would cum after like 10-15 minutes & then walk out of the room, house etc.  That was the most cheap disgusting thing I ever felt & it happened more then just once.  I'd actually compare it to a hooker or cheap escort that does her job & just leaves the place right away.

Sure they all made pleasantries when they were about to leave, but I could see it was just a false friendly front.

I heard in the States that at some clubs they try & loosen the people up a little by playing games in the beginning, but I've never found that in Toronto.

I find a lot of swingers on the net like to call themselves poly for some strange reason while poly people who would never swing would NEVER even consider calling themselves swingers.

Poly means many & amory means love.  Polyamory means many loves so I feel that the word poly should be given solely to people who are looking for substantial loving relationships.

As one Hawaiian polyamory website puts it: "Polyamory is to swinging as falling in love (monogamously) is to a one-night stand."

Why confuse issues by saying that swingers should also call themselves poly.  What's wrong, isn't one title good enough?

I firmly believe that you are either one or the other.  You can't be two opposite ends of the extreme at the same time.  It's not like me being serious one minute & joking around the next & I find most people can't even do that either LOL.

When you joke around one minute & are serious the next, it only takes a second to change ones state of mind, but to be a swinger one minute & a poly person the next takes a lot more time, thought & energy & confuses the person because then they don't really know what they want.

Either you are looking for a long term solid relationship that has a good sexual component to it, or you are just looking for sex.

I'm not saying that a poly person may never decide to take a break one day for a few months & say I no longer want a committed loving relationship because all I want right now is sex but then in my eyes they are no longer a poly.  They have changed their intent.

For me, it boils down to one thing.... intent.

What is your intent is what you really have to ask yourself.

If you are the type that usually only has one night stands & you are not into committed relationships & you can have sex at any time without emotion & it doesn't bother you, then you are probably a swinger whether you are in a relationship, you are a couple or you are just a single person.

You have that swinger mentality that sex is all you want.

If you are the type that won't sleep with just anyone, your goal is to have an ongoing committed relationship when you find someone you really like, admire & respect & you feel growth is necessary to keep relationships going then you are probably a poly person.

You tend not to look at a person & think when am I going to fuck them, but rather you look at them & say I really like them & want to get to know them as a person to see if they have character, a good personality, morals, interests, goals in life, intelligence & you want to see where it goes, then once again, you are probably more the poly type of person.

All relationships where people are looking for intimate partners & not just platonic friends are supposed to have a sexual component to them otherwise the two people are just platonic friends & not intimate partners.

That's why when I read attached men's profiles on the net where he says he & his wife are happily married & he loves his wife still, but they just don't have sex I have to admit the man is lost big time & I read profiles like that more then once.

He has some delusion that marriage or a common law partnership means platonic friendship when it does not.

Trying to convince oneself that everything is fine just because there is no sex is being in denial.

There is no way anyone can convince me or any other therapist that celibacy for long periods in an intimate relationship is healthy.

If the relationship has changed from intimacy to a platonic one, then just say it has, don't hide behind the sheet & pretend everything is alright & that is why he/you/them are now cheating.

When swingers are looking for a single female to have "fun" with, my experience is they care most about what she looks like, that she is clean, that she is fun & that's about it.

They really don't care if she has morales, values, is intelligent or anything else someone would care about if they were looking for something deeper.

Once again, there are exceptions to the rule, but this seems to be the majority.

I mean really if all you cared about was sex, would you be so picky other then maybe what the person looked like?

I had a girlfriend that started to get more involved with the people from the swinger's club then I had ever done.

I did not tell her that I didn't agree with what she was doing as clearly it was her business to do whatever she wanted to do.

We were strictly platonic friends & not suited as partners.

She started to tell me of the red tape that goes on behind the scenes.

The petty jealousies & yes there are jelousies in poly relationships too, but at least those are founded because they involve emotion.

She had one couple where the guy was cheating on his wife back in Ottawa with this woman from the swinger's club.

They had come over to her house a couple of times to see her just for sex of course.

The next thing she knew, this woman was calling her house to see if this guy was there when he wasn't.

I could see the whole situation.... he was fed up with her so called possessiveness (remember there isn't any real committment) & so he just stopped giving her the time of day but this woman was clearly attached to him & knew he was brushing her off, so she started to panic & starting calling everyone they had seen including my friend.

In a poly relationship one would hope that respect was abundant & that this would never happen as communication is paramount & if you didn't want to stay with a partner anymore, you would tell them that instead of running away.

Then my friend also had to deal with some of the swingers or maybe it was just one person who started to give out her phone number obviously for a good time.

I find that to be like in high school when kids write some girl's phone number on the bathroom wall for a good lay call Susie.

Hopefully by now you already know I feel this to be disgusting & just shows how when a person only cares about sex, they will be thought of in a cheap degrading way.

I am a very sexual person that is very open about her sexuality, but I still respect myself & won't just fall into bed with people I don't feel a closeness with.

I can not stand people that don't understand the difference between being open sexually & treating people like shit because they feel comfortable with a part of who they are that others don't.

Most but not all swingers are totally untolerable of men that are single & a lot of men that are bi.

There is this double standard I don't agree with that bi women are totally welcomed & bi men are considered to have leporacy.

In the poly community it is common too but I've heard of couples having deep relationships with bi men that turned out to be beautiful experiences.

Swingers may & a lot do socialize outside the bedroom, but I feel & have been told that these are friendships that are on a basic level.

Kind of how someone described a "fuck friend".


Ok the next page is what poly people are all about & how that ties in to what I seek in a relationship.

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