WHAT A POLY RELATIONSHIP MEANS TO ME & WHAT I HAVE DISCOVERED SO FAR?
POLY PEOPLE
Ok one thing I have found so far is that there are many different types of poly people.
Some that have primary partners, some that don't.
Some people will see their other partners sepately, but each relationship they have is built on
love, not based on sex.
One thing they all seem to agree upon is that they want an ongoing committed relationship & are
not just looking for sex.
I let things flow & sometimes I will be intimate with my partner & other times I won't be.
That's the way life is.
You show me one couple that has sex every single time they see each other.
What I seek is a triad at the very minimum.
I can't really picture myself with more then 2 or 3 other people for a very simple reason.
I take relationships very seriously & I work at them & love to give when I feel the feeling is
mutual.
I see no way that I could give to more then 2-3 people without compramising the relationship.
Ideally I would like to be seeing one female & one male, but I have contemplated two men & I'm
really not sure about 2 females as I have yet to have a full ongoing relationship with even one
female so I'd like to start with that first. LOL
So far I have found a lot of poly people are pagan, but I did see a few that claimed to be spiritual
as well.
Why I say "claimed" is that I find when people say they are spiritual, most don't even know what
that means & how they act in the end ends up not being spiritual in my eyes.
I personally do not believe in any form of religion at all & am a spiritual being, but am always
learning & exploring to develop more of my spiritual self.
Therefor, I seek only people that are spiritual acting or on their way to discovering their spiritual
self.
Here is what I find a spiritual person to be...
People who concern themselves with the path to love and attempt to live a conscious, healthy,
balanced life. People who are seekers -- people who are trying to uncover the
true intent of their behaviour through a process of reflection. Someone who has the
desire to learn what is really important to them & to others, what motivates them & even what is
truly their passion in life.
Someone who doesn't think they have no problems, they are perfect & that they never have to work
at becoming a better person each & every day.
Someone who wants to learn how to love themselves so they can then be able to understand themselves
much better & even if afraid of this task, will be willing to forge ahead to learn new concepts of
understanding.
Someone who leans more towards the alternative then the conventional if not totally alternative
like myself.
Some of my areas of alternative are... food, health, self therapy, politics, even sexually I've
come to realize that because I take making love so seriously as apposed to just going thru the
motions, this totally goes against the majority of what others do therefor that is also considered
alternative.
Just my whole way of thinking is alternative from spirituality & respecting humans because they
are connected to me to the environment to the universe to communicating honestly makes me also
alternative, to me seeing that relationships are way more important then money & I love money
too LOL.
Anyone that fits into that relhm even a little bit would be welcome to see if we are compatible.
If you read her site, that is me to a T & that was how I felt even before I read her site.
Since then I have deep hope that I can combine my spirituality with my preferred lifestyle. I
tapped into my spiritual journey back in 1992 & new had a feeling that I wanted multiple relationships
back in 1989 but never acted on it until I started learning from the net 3 years ago.
Polyamorous people almost always do not agree with emotionless sex, one night stands etc.
I agree with that thought concept but it took me years to finally get to the level of respecting
myself enough that just won't put up with casual sex anymore even though that seems to be where
the majority of the populous is headed.
I do care about who my friends are, who I do business with & especially who my intimate partners
will be.
When I was younger I didn't see the corelation between who your friends are & how that would affect
me as a human being, but now as a spiritual adult, I see it clear as day now.
"You are the company you keep" is a very common phrase & it means something for a reason.
I use the word "partners" because I don't like the word boyfriend being that I'm no longer a girl
& haven't been for quite some time & I don't want to see any boys as I deal only with men.
I also don't believe in marriage so using the word husband is not applicable in my case.
I adhere to the fact that I don't need a piece of paper to committ to a relationship.
One can not own another person & that is really all that that piece of paper implies.
It implies we are too weak to committ to a relationship so we need to write it down to make it
binding.
So, if that is the case, why is it that 1 in every 2, not 3 marriages end in divorce?
Communication is very very very important when it comes to poly people.
I believe I mentioned this before in my previous pages.
They have to be open about how they are feeling whether it relates to jealousy, anger, disappointment
etc. They have to be able to compromise, relate, be empathetic, be respectful, value
themselves too & a host of other attributes.
It kind of forces them in a good way to do all the things a mono relationship should do, but don't
necessarily accomplish.
Do poly people know how to communicate better then non polys?
From the outside I would say they don't really have necessarily better communication skills, but
I feel that on a concious level they really want to try to communicate more to make the relationship
work & remember I talked about intent?
Intent is what matters most.
Are polys better lovers?
Honestly I can't say as I haven't been to bed with any of them yet, but I would hope so otherwise
we wouldn't be suited for one another.
Poly people want to be close after making love which is something you won't find with swingers.
I think I mentioned this on the other page where a couple of the couples I was with just moved right
away from me after we were finished having sex.
First off we didn't "make love" & second because they could have cared less about me as a human,
they probably never even thought about holding me/cuddling afterwards.
I know at least one poly person wrote that that is something he would always do is cuddle & snuggle,
not run out the door, but of course this all makes sense because if you respect & like or love
the person you are with you would never just leave them stranded like they are a piece of machinery.
Personally I haven't had a relationship for so long I am used to sleeping alone, but with some
people I would love to be held & to hold them.
I don't feel that polys feel that sex is recreation like swingers feel.
I'll take a guess that this is because sex is a bi product of how they feel about the other person
& I will elaborate a little more further below.
In the most perfect of worlds I would love everyone to have people they have such feelings for that
they want to always make love to them.
Unfortunately most people nowadays just have sex for no other reason then to ejaculate or orgasm.
Sexuality should be an expression of one's inner deep feelings love or otherwise & when one has
these deep feelings for the other person, they show their expression of love through their sexuality.
Unfortunately most people don't like using the word "love" as they get scared of this word.
Even if we were to not necessarily love the other person but we have deeper emotions for them that
go beyond just a simple friendship people seem to be afraid to express those feelings too.
We are a continent of left brain thinkers that think of the logical, give me proof for everything
there is to see, work, study, be like robots.
I would hardly catogorize us as passionate beings that happily admit their feelings & emotions to
others.
We have been taught to hold our emotions in & we have been very good students complying with how
we should act every day of our lives.
Some polys I've talked to were a bit too overboard for me when it comes to loving someone.
For example I talked to two men of two different couples that stated they could never sleep with
a woman unless they loved her first.
From what I have learned thus far, Polys generally don't have sex just to have sex, they have sex because they
feel a very strong bond & connection that has little to do with sexuality, but has to do with
the person themselves as a human being.
I personally could never wait till I loved the person to sleep with them, but if I don't like them
a lot, I would never even consider it.
I don't just look at a person & say "yup, I like the way he/she looks so I'll sleep with him/her."
I'm really not sure if poly people are more adventurous in the bedroom.
I know there are some doms that consider themselves poly, but I don't feel they are as they seem
to totally revolve around sex & the domination aspect of the relationship instead of being a part
of the relationship itself.
Once again personally I seek people that are not into just plain vanilla sex as adventure & experimentation
is key for me in any relationship.
Saying that, I don't walk before I crawl & I don't run before I walk.
I need to talk about the topic of ones sexuality for a moment here....
First off I have heard this a couple of times that if I even mention one thing about sex in a
conversation with men or write it in my ads or on my sites, then next thing I know men are trying
to only talk to me about sex & nothing else.
If you are that type of person, I am not interested in you.
I am NOT looking for men that only think with their penises & there are so many of you out there
that I come across on the net it saddens me deeply.
The sexual desperation is actually sickening to me.
It shows extreme dysfunction of society as a whole in my eyes & I'm not talking about someone who
is in touch with their sexuality as I feel people who are desperate for sex are NOT in touch with
their sexuality.
If you feel that just because a woman puts a line or two in her ad about her sexuality that this
gives you an open door to disrespect her as a human being & talk to her only about sex or talk
to her in a disgusting vulgur manner, then once again, you are not the person for me.
It amazes me how I could mention 20 things on my site that I'm seeking & the men will only zero
in on one thing, the sex part.
I seek men of style & class as well as women like this as well because a lot of women that are in
couples also talk trash as I mentioned before.
It's saddening to see how humans think that just because I say I am bi that that then gives them
free rein to talk to me only about sex.
I've had men talk to me on the phone for hours only about sex never wanting to leave the topic like
they are starving or something.
There is no doubt it is an interesting topic of discussion, but with all the women I've talked to,
not one of them made me feel like the men do that they are starving to talk about sex.
I remember one guy that said "You bitch, get over it, you say you are bi so of course all you care
about is sex & therefor I can talk to you anyway I want.
Now clearly this man needs desperate help, but that is not the point.
He is not the only one that thinks this way.
Just because I am open minded & a very sexual woman doesn't mean that is ALL there is to me nor
does that mean I am trash & do not want respect or class from others & the fact that no one seems
to understand this is what really gets to me.
All I can say is that society is very very undeducated when it comes to sexuality & that goes all
the way from not knowing what they are doing in the bedroom to how they seduce women, to how they
treat women & don't respect them still till this day & we are almost hitting 2002 here people.
I respect & cherish my sexuality & the terrible thing is I'm so afraid to even bring up the topic
for fear the guy is going to think this gives him the right to discuss only that subject.
Women are in fact goddesses that need to be respected & adored & until men get this through their
their heads & women too, nothing will change.
I find it amusing that men still don't respect women but yet they want to have sex with them.
I'd suggest that if men think men are the be all that ends all because they still feel women are
beneath them, then they should have sex with men, not women & I recommend to all women to take
responsibility for all of this & stop the abuse.
Sex will continue to be cheap, trashy, whorish etc. & most men will want casual one night stand
sex with no feelings & emotions & the beauty of making love with emotions & feelings will be lost
forever if we don't do something about this.
I more then anyone hopes this is not so but according to what I have seen on the net, the trend
seems to be no one wants love anymore.
