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I must clear up two facts...

1. people keep thinking there is only one page to this site.  That is not true and if you read the whole page, you will see there are other pages linked at the bottom of each page.

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• Swingers consider their sexual encounters to be recreational.  So, if you are looking for something totally casual with no chance of real growth, committment etc., then you are probably a swinger.
  
  This is not to say that things can't change.  It could happen that you meet a couple or a single person you really become attached to, where you want the relationship to grow.  I feel, however, it's very rare for swingers to stray from their original intent.
  
  Infact, most swingers would probably be afraid to use the word "relationship".
  
  Sometimes swingers will become poly when they finally realize that sex without emotion can be very damaging to one's spritual self.  It could also be they never knew poly was an option available to them which deals with the whole human, not just fucking (excuse my language).  I've had quite a few swingers write to me to thank me for opening their eyes to the wonderful poly lifestyle and how they had never felt comfortable being a swinger all this time.
  
  I also started off in the swinger's world, not knowing that poly was available to me.
  
  I feel that any relationship based solely on sex will die off.  The substance of relationships is a living thing that needs care.  This is why when people concentrate solely on their careers or solely on their children, their relationships almost always are unfulfilling/stagnate or come to an end.
  
  If sex is glue that's meant to hold relationships together, people would stay together with or without any effort.  We all know that just doesn't happen.
  
  
  
• A few of the swingers on the net claim to care about everyone they swing with, but there is a HUGE difference between caring for someone and loving someone and there are a lot of swingers who don't care about who they sleep with.
  
  For me, this caring/loving difference is a HUGE example of how swingers and polys are different.  Like the BIG difference between aquaintances and friends.
  
  
• Some swingers don't care who they sleep with, while others want to talk a little first to get to know their potential partners.
  
  Most swingers don't care to befriend the other person or to call them outside their sexual meetings while some do take more of a social role.
  
  If you want to call someone whom you are intimate with your friend, they become what is commonly called a "fuck friend" or "fuck buddy".  This is someone who is a friend on a very basic level, who you have sex with.  I personally can't stand the terms as I find them crude, vulgur and full of total detachment from making love plus it takes away from what I consider a friend to be.  I don't use my friends for sexual purposes but then again I'm not the norm in society, especially these days where everyone seems to be screwing everyone else with no concern for emotions or relationships.
  
  
• All swingers are looking for sex, that's a given but I found some or a lot of swinger's relationships are failing and they think bringing in a 3rd person to have sex with them will do the trick which I'm telling you right now it won't.
  
  Bottom line is whether they are a couple or a swingle, they are not looking for what I consider a "real" relationship and for anyone who tries to tell me that having just sex with someone is a relationship, I just laugh at them.
  
  
• Not all swingers are couples even though way back when, couples were the only ones swinging and singles were rarely ever allowed into the lifestyle.
  
  
• Usually when they are a couple, they call one another a "primary partner".  This means they each come first and anyone else that enters the relationship is not considered an equal.  The 3rd person is just a play thing which is why they often use the term "play" when they talk about their encounters.
  
  When was the last time you referred to your girl/boyfriend/husband or wife as a play thing or you are about to "play" together?
  
  Yes of course you should always have fun with your partners.  For me this is an absolute must, but I don't cheapen my time with my partners by using the word "play".
  
  This word alone shows how unserious swingers consider their encounters with the people they see.
  
  Even though I still don't agree with just sex encounters between humans unless it's between an escort and her customer, I can maybe see that if couples looked for other couples to play with, this could be a good match because each partner has another partner they love (we hope), but when swingers seek out singles, which is most often times the case because the males can be very homophobic, us singles tend to feel left out, empty and sometimes even feel like we are being used.
  
  I felt this each and every time I encountered a couple and have heard this from other single males and females who were the lone "single" in a couple's fantasy.
  
  I don't want to imply there can not be problems in a poly relationship too if the poly people are not careful in seeking out "equal" people.
  
  This is why I feel polys should write down why they seek another person to add into their relationship, discussing what kind of a person would be compatible with the both of them, making sure they actually want this kind of relationship and are willing to make the effort to make the 3rd or 4th person an equal in the relationship even though they have been together for many years prior to dating someone new.
  
  They should never be adding in another person to help fix your relationship.
  
  You want to help your relationship, first decide if you still want to be in a relationship with that person.  Find yourself spiritually and get rid of a lot of your past negative issues going all the way back to your childhood.  Learn how to communicate your feelings more openly to your partner which you can only do that once you start to learn what your feelings are through spirituality and finding yourself.  Learn how to work through and solve any problems you are having with your partner by making sure both of you consider the other an equal.  Learn how to really make love, learn how spirituality and sexuality go hand in hand and how to be more romantic.  Take time each day to spend with your partner.  If after all that you still don't aren't making any headway, my guess without talking to either of you is both of you have grown apart and while remaining friends, it is best for the both of you to part.
  
  
• Based on my experience, I feel that swingers hide things about their lives from other swingers they are dating.  I've heard of swingers cheating on their wives and their wives don't even know they swing.  Now logically when it's all about sex, honesty is not something that is always high on people's list.
  
  
• Good communication also seems to be lacking with some swingers I found and I am not just talking about with the single female or male they bring in, but also amongst themselves.
  
  When a single isn't an equal and no emotional feelings are involved, how can there be really good communication?
  
  When the husband is trying to get his wife to have sex with someone else so he can have a 3some, how can there be good communication?
  
  
• Swingers are either soft or hard/full swingers, but regardless, they have rules about how these relationships work.  (Soft means couples stay together but share the same room with other couples to add to the excitement.  Hard or full means there is complete swapping of partners.)
  
  Sometimes when a couple is seeing a single woman, they won't even allow intercourse between the male partner and the single female.
  
  There are also rules about seeing the either the male or the female of the couple seperately.  If the wife isn't present, no way can the hubby see another couple or, the male or female partner of it.
  
  Personally I find this very closed minded.  If someone were to tell me what to do in the bedroom and with my life, I'd freak LOL
  
  A few times I was with swingers, I found the men to be idiots.  They liked to direct the women on what to do with one another sexually.  Back then I didn't have the balls, but if anyone did that to me now, I'd get up and walk away.
  
  And it wasn't just the men.  One woman wanted to know exactly what I was going to do the minute we got together, and another couple asked me that once, too.
  
  I'm not a porno star, I'm not in a porno movie--I'm a real live human being that doesn't believe sexuality should be staged, preplanned or scripted.
  
  Sure somewhere down the road I may surprise my partner, but that is my doing alone and it is a surprise.  I am not scripting every loving experience with him or her.
  
  Making love should be sponteneous as that is the natural, flowing way.
  
  Getting back to the rules swingers have... When there are too many rules in a relationship with respect to feelings and who can see who and when, it is doomed for failure and jealousy issues.
  
  One should NEVER have to control their feelings.  This is not natural from a spiritual perspective.
  
  Some swingers have rules like, "We will see this couple or single only once per month."
  
  Two men I talked to about this in the last 3 years told me the couple each was seeing wouldn't allow them to see anyone else;  and these couples only saw these men once a month.  All these people were swingers, of course;  these encounters were just about sex.
  
  When I heard this, I freaked.  The control some swingers have over others is amazing.  I'm sorry, but I can't handle people who control others because of their own insecurities.
  
  Once again we see inequality between the partners.
  
  
• I find swingers are very friendly people, but No doesn't always mean No.  This also depends on the swinger's club and its culture.
  
  
• I know some swingers get together to do dinner, but honestly, I think most swingers just get together for sex knowing before they even meet up that this is what is going to happen.
  
  
• I find swingers to be less open minded then poly people in a general sense, not just sexually.  They They don't believe people can love more then one person at the same time.  They are generally closed-minded about that whole concept not being able to phathom it in their heads OR, they don't even know what poly people are all about.
  
  Some swingers think all poly people want to wait till they get married or fall in love to have intimacy because they don't understand the concept of the poly lifestyle as there are so many different poly lifestyles.  Some feel that poly people are stuffy and not fun etc., just because poly people want to be loved, they want nurturing, committment, and to strive for something substantial that can grow.
  
  For instance, that's like saying to you, if you are monogamous, that you can never have a relationship with just one person you love because you will never have any fun, and therefore you always have to be playing the field.  You'll only have sex after you are married, after you fall in love etc. etc.  Show me 50 committed mono couples who never have fun and always wait till they are married or in love to be intimate.
  
  
• On the other hand, some swingers may also swing seperately.  Each person in a couple goes off and finds their own seperate sexual partner(s), and then they return to each other intimately once they get home.
  
  I'm not sure how I feel about this.  If it still only revolves around sex, than I feel it is wrong.  I want all of my partners to at least be friends with each other, if not also have intimate relationships together.
  
  I just read a posting from one woman who states the following:
  
  She is poly and her husband is a swinger.  She will partake in a threesome with his so-called "toys" (god I hate that word), but she admits she is doing this just for him.  She can only have other people in her life that she cares and loves, which is fine with him so long as they are all friends.  She says he admits he wants nothing more then sex from these other women and he is just there to fool around.  Personally I could never handle this situation at all.
  
  First I would not want a relationship with someone who sleeps around with everyone just to say he screws tons of different types of women.  I just couldn't respect a person like that.  Second, when you don't know these "other" people, the chance of STDs being transmitted is very high.  Somebody recently reminded me of how many things have changed since the days when swinging was considered safe.  Anyway, her situation would never work for me because I would never do something for someone else that I personally don't agree with.  That would go against everything I have learned and feel about my spiritual self.  I have to make all my choices for me and only me, not just because I want to please someone else at the expense of my self-respect or integrity.
  
  
  

• LOOKING AT YOURSELF

• 
  
  I have come a long way in learning how to love myself, and the example above goes against the grain of everything we are taught as human beings.
  
  
• I mentioned pornos before and I have also seen female swingers try to imitate porno films in how they do things with their partners, play with themselves and even in how they will play with other women when they aren't even bi.  Once again, I find this really degrading.  I see it as unatural for someone to touch someone they aren't even attracted to;  it's nothing but an act.
  
  Sure I will always try to please my parnter, but not at the expense of myself or to show off.
  
  
• Based on the 4-5 house house parties I've been to, I can say there was absolutely no foreplay, not even any kissing.  Women were giving oral sex almost within five minutes, and sexual intercourse was immdediate.  I felt that people were more like robots following a script, than humans enjoying each other.  It was very cold and harsh for me because I'm a very sensual, warm and passionate lover.
  
  This goes way beyond my comprehension.  When I make love, I believe in a minimum of two to three hours in the bedroom.  I don't believe in either gender touching the other person's genitles for at least the first hour of foreplay when first starting to become intimate, especially when they are just getting to know them.  By genitals I'm including womens' breasts.  Most men want women to touch their penis within two minutes of getting horny.  In my opinion, all this is NOT the proper way to make love and anyone (male or female) who does this to me has now just turned me off completely and I now feel they have no clue how to make love to a woman and there is very little respect there.
  
  Any male or female who thinks having sex takes 20 minutes is not someone I will ever have a relationship with, even if I were into one night stands.
  
  So, other than animalistic desires that sometimes stirred me by just watching these people go at it, I just can't relate.  This demonstrates to me that swingers have no clue what they were doing in bed.  If anyone tries to convince me I need to have cheap, cold, emotionless, sex to feel and act wild and passionate I will laugh, thinking to myself that this person knows nothing about making love and trust me, there are tons of men and women out there like this.
  
  
• Another thing I noticed is when the lights are out and no one knows who is who and who is doing what to whom, what's to stop a person I find unattractive from coming over to me?  Of course if everyone present is either a friend, lover or partner of mine, this is a non-issue.  I've heard that some swinging groups have been together for years, but I still don't agree with what they are principally about: a bunch of people getting together just to screw.  It's like saying to the guys, "Hey you wanna get together every Sunday to go bowling?"
  
  The realms of my sexuality and love cannot be compared to simplistic rituals like bowling on a Sunday.  The thrill of sex only lasts for that brief moment in time.  The ecstasy of love and making love can transcend time and space.  It is life itself, moving us closer and more deeply to being in the spiritual realm.
  
  
• My most sensitive erogenous zone is my mind.  Not once have I had an intelligent conversation with a swinger at the club.  Sure, there might be some really intelligent ones out there, but so far I haven't met any.  No matter whom you talk to, the conversation quickly comes back to sex.  Sex is their goal and tunnel vision;  not getting to know each other as human beings.
  
  
• I have heard and other people have also told me, that a typical male wannabe swinger is usually trying to convince his female partner to swing or participate in a threesome with a bi woman.
  
  I can't recall how many times men have asked me to seduce or convince their female partners to be with me sexually, as if these women have no right to say no, and whatever they decide is a moote point because he just wants it, so he will go out and try to get it.
  
  I wonder how many men would feel if I insisted, as they did, to have my male friend try and seduce them.  Their homophobia and general closed-mindedness alone makes me sick.
  
  By trying to please their husbands or partners, women who clearly set aside self-respect in this way end up feeling dirty and cheated.
  
  This is totally unspiritual, as NO ONE should ever be convinced or forced into anything.  If a woman allows this to happen over and over again about many issues, not just sexual ones, this is a glaring sign of deep insecurity and stems from her not loving herself, which is a goal for everyone learning about spirituality.
  
  Beautiful loving experiences between three or more human beings can be very real for people who recognize the desire to do so for themselves.
  
  There is nothing wrong or dishonest in loving oneself first.
  
  Loving oneself is pure and the first step to understanding oneself.
  
  Society and religion have just taught us that we must always think of the other person first, love them first, give to them first, worry about them first, and when all is said and done, we find ourselves out in the cold.  Only you are responsible for yourself, as I am for myself.
  
  Openly discussing how you feel about certain subjects and what you are seeking is great, but to insist on the supremacy of your opinion and then persist in trying to convince others is the same as trying to take control, to coerce, or even to harrass.  This is WRONG !
  
  Controling others is WRONG !
  
  
  

• ON THE NET

• 
  
  As for singles on the net that are only looking for sex, I call them swingles because they have no desire to get to know the other person, they only want sex and they make no bones about hiding it, either.
  
  They are crude, rude, and vulgar and all they want to do is see your picture.  They are very shallow.
  
  Males, females, and even couples will do this, and I hate it.  They don't respect sexuality at all.
  
  They may not think of themselves as swingers because they are only looking for one partner, but I see them as swingers because their only focus is sex.
  
  When swinger couples contact me, the first thing they want to know is what I look like.  They send me a pic and then they go into describing themselves physically, including how large her breasts are, how large his penis is, what they do sexually etc.
  
  I find this totally rude and disgusting.
  
  So, how do you approach people you are trying to date and get to know? (click here)
  
  
  

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